part 2 of 3 Writing 101 assingment

Write about a loss: something (or someone) that was part of your life, and isn’t any more. Today’s twist: Make today’s post the first in a three-post series.

If you have not read part 1 go on over give it a read then come on back to see what happend next

I got to a place that was in the mountains and it was very pretty, but I was not happy to be there at all, I refused to cooperate. My parents checked me in and about 3 hours after they did they told me they had to go. I felt sad and abandoned once again I screamed, I cried and I tried to run after them as they pulled away. Some staff chased me down and tackled me to the ground. I fought and fought as hard as I could, in my mind I thought “I will fight you off you can’t keep me here”. While tears ran down my cheeks I continued to fight, and they ended up calling a “Code Green”. Where all available staff come to help out. Well they ended up giving me a shot. I had found out later it was a mix of Haldol and Thorazine.  I started to feel that weird sensation come over me as I had with the  Schnapps and again the pain, anger and sadness, seemed to have melted away. While I was there I had figured out very quickly that if I acted out and got into fight they gave me a pill or a shot to calm me down.  I loved that calm feeling. So I was causing a lot of trouble because I did not want to feel.

Fast forwarding to age 15 yet again I was at a different place this time in Texas. I was still doing the same behaviors as I always had. At this point the Drs had me on all kinds of medications that made me tired all the time. I was super behind in school because I couldn’t stay awake in class. I was still starting fights and getting into trouble, so that I could get the magic pills that took all the pain away. Little did I know and the Drs failed to realize that I had become addicted to them. At 16 I was in a place I didn’t want to be addicted to pills and being mistreated by staff.

Well I had a friend in there she was always in trouble, and getting into take downs with the staff a lot. Then the worst had happened the councilors had called us all into the class room. There were 4 of them plus 2 therapists and we could tell they were going to tell us we were in trouble or  something had happened. Well the news they gave us was that my friend had died during a restraint with staff. They said her heart gave out and she stopped breathing. I started sobbing uncontrollably and instantly didn’t want to feel the sadness that I was feeling so I got up and I tried to run. I got half way across a huge field before a staff member grabbed my arm and he seemed to feel bad for how I was feeling this time. We had grown to like most of the staff and I was pretty close with this one. I just hugged him instead of fighting as I normally had done.

A day or so later the other girls and I wanted to do a memorial service, We put one together. Had written poems, speeches that spoke about what we loved about our friend, we planted a tree for her and we played Britney Spears Where Are You Now which I still sometimes listen to and think about her almost 13 years later. I remember the other girls and I would talk about what we had thought really happened which I am not going to say,  due to it just being speculation. I can remember thinking why would my parents leave me here after she had died. So I had made it my goal to get kicked out like I had done in the past.

Thank you for reading part 2 of my 3 part series. If you would like to read part 3 you can Subscribe to my blog Like Mommymakeandmore on Facebook or follow me on twitter to know when I post.

I hope you are having a WONDERFUL day.



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I am a Stay at home mom of 2 My son is 6 and my daughter is 4 and I have been with the love of my life for 10 years now.

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